I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
