im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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