the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
