if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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