It's Friday. Sex?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
