Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
