I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize