it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
