im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
