i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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