she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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