saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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