I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
