My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
