She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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