Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
