I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
