Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
