Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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