M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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