Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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