rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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