omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
