OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
