Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize