At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
