Porn is love you can see.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
