this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
