Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
