I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
