why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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