I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
