if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
