The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
