I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
