What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
