I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
