Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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