I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
