My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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