and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
