I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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