Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
