You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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