you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
