I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
