Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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