hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize