who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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