i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
