So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
