am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
