paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
