im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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