The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
