So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
