I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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