Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
