M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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