Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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